


Not Thinking Straight

by AlyssiaInWonderland



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Academy Era, ER trips are about 10x more embarrassing when they are because you have a vibrator stuck up your ass, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humour, M/M, Sex Mishaps, Sex Toys, and now that disclaimer just makes it sound worse, and remember to not shove anything up your ass unless it has a flared base, i know this sounds too specific and like this is from personal experience but i promise it's not, practise safe sex y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:36:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16642073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssiaInWonderland/pseuds/AlyssiaInWonderland
Summary: Hugh and Paul have to make an ER trip due to a slight sex mishap.Or, Paul has a vibrator stuck up his ass, Hugh is very apologetic and slightly turned on, they both use humour to defuse awkwardness, and they probably end up closer than before despite the mess-up. Cause if you can't laugh about things going wrong during sex, what even is the point?





	Not Thinking Straight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nerdqueenenterprise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdqueenenterprise/gifts).



Hugh should have known better. He really, really should.

Paul seemed to agree with that sentiment, his expression mingling frustration and embarrassment, making his cheeks flush pink, the blush curling around the back of his neck and up into the tips of his ears.

In any other circumstance, Hugh might have commented on how gorgeous he was in that state. How any time the shuttle-car moved, Paul frowned deeper and had to bite back a quiet whimper, strangling the sound at the back of his throat. How much Hugh wanted to tangle his hands in Paul’s sweat-darkened hair and continue right where they had left off.

Unfortunately, this was not in fact possible, and anything he could say to that effect would undoubtedly make Paul’s situation worse. The only thing staving off Paul’s nigh-inevitable sarcastic rant, was – Hugh looked away from Paul’s slightly glazed eyes, somewhat guiltily. His partner was miserable, and the scenario should not be making him twitch in his pants with interest. 

The shuttle-car jerked again, and Paul bit his lip, the soft skin reddened and unfairly enticing. Hugh rested his hand as gently as he could over Paul’s shoulder, and Paul pressed his head into Hugh’s arm like a cat, seeking comfort and strength. Hugh’s traitorous cock twitched again as he felt Paul’s free hand clinging to his arm needily. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” He whispered, glad the shuttle-car was empty besides them. “It was the only one that vibrated, and my fingers were still covered with lube, because there’s never enough lube, except for when it makes toys too slippery, and-“  
  
Paul cut Hugh off by raising his head and glaring balefully at his boyfriend. “Hugh,” he started out firmly, but the name trailed off into what neither of them acknowledged to be a whine. “Hugh, _it’s still vibrating_.” 

“Oh, fuck.” Hugh said, dumbly, caught between arousal and overwhelming guilt. “But – but the controls are on the – I can’t –“ 

Paul’s knuckles were white from clutching at Hugh’s arm as he nodded confirmation.  “Oh God, I’m gonna die…” He whimpered.

“Shh, it’s going to be fine, Corazon.” Hugh stroked his hand through Paul’s hair as soothingly as he could. He could feel Paul’s trembling. “We’re almost at the ER, and they can fix it.”  
  
Paul whined slightly more loudly at the reminder that they were going to have to actually explain this to other, real, human people. “I’ve changed my mind,” Paul said, the words blurring together. “We can just wait until the battery runs out and then you can do something, you’re smart, you’re a med student, it’ll be fine, please, Hugh, we can’t just tell people – _Hugh please just fix me_!” 

Hugh shifted to wrap an arm around Paul’s shoulders, and Paul slumped into him, a sob breaking in his chest, and Hugh’s tentative arousal completely vanished.  
  
“Paul, I’m so sorry, but I’m not a doctor yet, and even if I was, we’d still need to go to the ER for this.”  
  
“Mmm.” Paul pressed further into Hugh’s arms, as if refusing to acknowledge the situation would help. He wriggled, shifting and clutching at Hugh’s arms, scraping the skin, but it was no more than Hugh deserved for forgetting something so basic as this.

“I know it’s hard, but I think sitting still might help, we’re so close-“ Hugh began, encouragingly.

“ _I’m_ so close.” Paul retorted, whispering slightly viciously in Hugh’s ear.  
  
“Wha-“  
  
“Hugh, I’m on a public shuttle-car and my boyfriend accidentally shoved a vibrator right up my ass and now it’s stuck over my prostate and it’s _still fucking vibrating_. So yes, I’m a little close right now, and by a little I mean _I can’t come_ and it feels like I’m dying and baking and freezing all at once, and next time we do this it’s going to be you with the damn sex toy up your ass  because I’m pretty sure that I’m starring in the porno version of the story of Tantalus and the worst part is that we both know if this was intentional and safe it would be hot as hell so don’t you dare ask me _what I mean by that_.”  
  
Hugh blinked at Paul, his eyes glittering with a fierce intent, and Hugh was fairly sure that the shuttle-car hadn’t just had the air evacuated from it, but it definitely felt that way.

“You can’t just say something like that, Jesus…” Hugh, with monumental effort, put aside the ideas that Paul’s whispered monologue seeded.

“I go by Paul now,” Paul hissed, his fingers like a vice around Hugh’s bicep. “And I can say whatever I like. I have a vibrator up my ass. I’m _incoherent_.”

Hugh was spared having to come up with a way to answer that which wouldn’t be an incredibly bad idea, because the shuttle-car stopped at the ER stop. Hugh settled for gathering Paul up and carrying him bodily off the transport. Paul didn’t even bother to bat ineffectually at Hugh’s hands, instead letting himself be carried. If nothing else brought it home, given his surprising eloquence in the car, this docility made Hugh truly remember that this was in fact an objectively bad situation.

Luckily, the ER wasn’t crowded. Hugh scanned the nurses and –

“Hugh? Bring this young man through into my consulting room.”  
  
Hugh turned, and came face to face with one of his course tutors. “Yes, of course.” Hugh tried his hardest not to blush as he carried Paul into the room, and stepped back, retreating before he could get kicked out for not being a relative. He squeezed Paul’s hand reassuringly, once, and then escaped, to sit in the waiting room.

A while later, his course tutor emerged, and headed over to him. Hugh couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey, Hugh. Your boyfriend’s gonna be fine. He’s almost sorted.”  
  
“Great, yeah, okay.” Hugh said, hoarsely, trying to stand up. “Can I go now? Are we done?”

His tutor grabbed his sleeve and tugged him back into his seat, mercilessly.

“Hugh,” His tutor began, and Hugh blanched at the serious, lecturing tone. “You should have known better – you’re a Doctor in training, for God’s sakes. You have to be careful! You never-“  
  
“Never use something that isn’t flared at the base in someone’s ass, I know, now could we please stop talking about this before I become your next patient due to suffering a heart attack caused by sheet humiliation?” Hugh pleaded, but his tutor’s frown was implacable.

“Hugh, you need to listen to this. You _know_ this stuff, it’s basic safety! I get that young love or lust, or whatever, makes people act stupid, but really? You need to be more careful! You clearly weren’t thinking straight.”  
  
Hugh was categorically going to hell, because after that, the only possible reply he could come up with was trite, and he was probably going to get a strike on his record, but apparently Paul’s lack of impulse control was rubbing off on him.

“You’re lecturing me about what I do with my boyfriend, and _straight_ is the word you choose?” Hugh was sorry, and he was absolutely going to pay his penance to Paul, completely and wholeheartedly, but he couldn’t help the snort of laughter bubbling up inside him.

“Well, fuck.” His tutor stared at him for a moment, and then his serious expression cracked, and they both start laughing.

“No, I’m not well fucked. That was the exact opposite of what happened.” Paul’s voice cut sarcastically through the laughter, blessedly clear of anything but slight annoyance.

His answer didn’t help Hugh or his tutor stop laughing, and Paul tried to keep from joining them, but eventually he too succumbed to the humour in the horror.

“Okay, well, I’m fairly sure you’ve learned your lesson, Hugh, even if you’re a smartass.” Hugh’s tutor stood, and patted Paul on the shoulder bracingly. “He’s a good guy once you get past his inappropriate humour. Keep him in line, would you?”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Paul said with a grin. “If he starts being an idiot I’ll spank his ass back into being smart again.” 

Hugh coughed loudly, as his tutor’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and then crumpled into laughter again.  
  
“You two are perfect for each other.” He shook his head, and turned, walking away from them. “So long, Romeos.”  
  
“Oh my God. Paul. I can’t believe you just – that was my tutor!” Hugh spluttered, and then frowned. “Are you – you’re ok, right? I’m sorry.”  
  
“I was just taking the chance to even out the humiliation.” Paul responded, smugly. “But yes, Hugh, I’m fine. Quite tired, though.”  
  
“Let’s head home?”  
  
“Let’s.” Paul agreed, taking Hugh’s hand and tugging him out of the hospital and into the night air. 

The fact Paul voluntarily took his hand made Hugh practically melt with relief. He tried to speak, but Paul shushed him, and so they rode back to their rooms in silence, Paul slowly drooping his head onto Hugh’s shoulder as he was lulled by the rhythm of the shuttle-car engines. 

They arrived back at the dorms, and collapsed back onto the still unmade bed, the room a mass of scattered clothes from their hasty departure. A tube of lube lay open on the bed, and Hugh tossed it onto the bedside table.

“So, you don’t hate me?” Hugh whispered, still nervous despite how Paul’s limbs were tangled around his own.

“No, I don’t hate you.” Paul huffed in amusement against Hugh’s neck. “I’m tired, and a little mad that I didn’t get to be fucked by my boyfriend, and extremely mad that our first time trying out exhibitionism and orgasm denial was unintentional and in a way neither of us could actually enjoy, but I don’t hate you. Pretty much the opposite, actually.”  
  
“Really? Even though I messed up?”  
  
“Really.” Paul tightened his arms around Hugh, nuzzling into him affectionately. “We’re not perfect, Hugh. We’re gonna fuck up. But one of the best things about us, the way I see it? We can laugh about it together. Stuff like this doesn’t break us up. It makes us stronger.”  
  
Hugh wished there was a way to get even closer to Paul, some way to express how much that meant to him. He had to settle for tracing his fingers over Paul’s back.

“Not that we should make a habit of mid-sex ER trips.” Paul added. “These things only work as a shared bonding experience the first time around. After that it’s just awkward.”  
  
“Deal.” Hugh grinned. “I love you, Paul.”  
  
“I love you too. Even if you have managed to be one of the only people on the planet who successfully used too much lube.”  
  
“I’ve changed my mind, I hate you.” Hugh tried to sound offended, but he was too tired.  
  
“Too late, can’t change it now. You love me.” Paul grinned sleepily.

“It was too late the second I laid eyes on you, sweetheart.” Hugh mumbled, delighting in how the sappiness made even exhausted-Paul roll his eyes.

“That’s blatantly false. You totally loved me from the first message we sent. Didn’t see my face for ages.”  
  
“Mmm. True.”

“’Night, Hugh.”

“’Night, Corazon.”  
  
They drifted off to sleep. And when, exactly a year later, Paul gave Hugh the small vibrator, batteries removed, and in an engraved, ring-sized box, it was only fitting.

About as fitting as the rings in the box Hugh had hidden in his bedside drawer. Or the ones Paul had on the top of his cupboard. Waiting for the anniversary of something slightly more romantic than an ER trip.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is entirely the fault of Ravie. We were talking, somehow this came up, I couldn't resist making a straight joke and I was then forced into making this fic. By which I mean I voluntarily wrote it in a spur of the moment decision due to about 2 seconds of persuasion. Because. I'm like that. Apparently.
> 
> Hope you enjoy these two idiots being adorable and awkward! <3
> 
> Ps: as ever comments and kudos feed my dark soul! please feed me I'm a starving writer and by that I mean I'm starving for attention and praise validate me and I will give you eternal gratitude


End file.
